We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
