he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
