I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
