Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said her name was "party"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
