I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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