Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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