Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
