Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
