Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
