Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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