No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
