idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
