grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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