You smell like a Billy Joel song
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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