So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
