quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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