man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
