"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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