Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
