Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
