when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
