and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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