i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
