Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I want a musical about memes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
