ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
