Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
