Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
