I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
