I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
