just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
