how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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