If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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