Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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