It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
