Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
