i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
