I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think your dad took our porno
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
