ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
