Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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