we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
