You just made me feel so damn special
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drake has all the answers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
