we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
