Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
