I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
