shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
