Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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