making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
