ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
