I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
