New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
