i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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