the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
