Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
