If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
