discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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