I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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